Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Pride cometh before the fall...better wear padding

I was asked at work last night to name something I have done that I am really proud of outside of work. I have to admit, aside from making four babies in recent years, I had a hard time coming up with something that happened in this century. I was stumped, so we moved on. The girl next to me starts into her schpeel about how she was graduating from college in a little over a month and she was so proud of everything she had gone through to get there over the last few years. How she is the first female in her family to get a college education. How she finished her program in four years when they warned her freshman year that most people have to go five.

I have similar stories. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. I worked super hard and had some amazing experiences to be proud of.

15 years ago.

This has been bothering me a lot since last night. I do stuff worthy of praise. I must. I am busy ALL THE TIME. Somehow cleaning up the mac n cheese Clark dumped on the floor at lunch just doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

And it is not just the pride thing. When people ask me "what have you been up too" I instantly think of my kids and husband and what they are doing or what they are involved in. I love to talk about them and the great things in their lives. After all that IS what I am doing right. Being their cheerleader. Taxi driver. Personal chef. Housekeeper. Laundress. I am not unhappy with this situation either. In fact I love being a mom. I love watching my kids grow and change and being a part of all that great change. It just makes me take pause because I am not answering the question with the answer they were looking for. If this were an essay question, I would fail.

Here is the reason this bothers me: what happens in 10-15 years when they no longer need those things? When they all move out and learn to take care of themselves. Go and get real homes and real jobs and only come to visit when they are in town. Am I going to be THAT grandma who makes huge amounts of food for 3 people just because I now have a reason to cook?

My point is this. What am I doing that sustains Lisha? What more can I do to feel a sense of accomplishment in myself? With the little time and energy I have left at the end of the day, how can I make the most of those moments to fill MY cup? Just saying it out loud makes me feel selfish.

I enjoy reading. I like to knit. I guess finishing a book or a project makes me feel good. But that seems insignificant to me because I have been doing them both for so long, it is just part of my life. Maybe that is my problem. I have let great things become small. I think I need to start to look at life with rose colored glasses instead of the greasy ones I wear now.

In short, I need to be more humble and have more gratitude in my life.

So what sustains you? How do you fill those fleeting moments in life for YOU. What do you say when an old friend or a new boss asks you "What are you proud of in your life? What have you been doing lately?" Me? I am raising 4 little kids who are brilliant and inquisitive and love to explore new things. AND I am working on improving my physical health by working out and eating better so I can keep up with them. Not to mention supporting a husband who is a very dedicated teacher and who will be starting his Masters Degree in a few months. Oh and we are working toward buying our first home in a few months. Talk about taking on a new project!


amy said...

Well put and AMEN!

From: Denver's wife and mother of Austin, Westin, Layton, Molly, Stockton. hahaha

Amanda Gibson said...

Lisha, you have LOTS to be proud of - but I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you just start feeling lost in your day to day life. I'd say being a great Mom is what you've been up to lately. How's that?

As for me - I'm proud of the fact that I'm now a runner (even though I have to force myself to be a runner sometimes). I'm proud of the fact that I'm on my own - and actually doing well on my own. And I'm proud of the great kid I have raised. And that definitely counts as what I've been "doing lately".

Tandee said...

You know, they asked this same question in our PC training, and I remember thinking the same thing. Nothing I had done really seemed very significant. But I realize now that being a mom is the most significant accomplishment in my life, because it's what I really want to be. I seem to fill my time with lots of extra little things, and am realizing that some of it is great, some of it is nice, but most of it I and my family can really do without. I want to be a mom, and I want to be proud to be a mom. That's just the stage I'm in. And I'm glad to be in it. There will be plenty of "me" time later. What could be more important? Thanks for your post, to help me put my feelings into words. =)

Bonnie Young said...

Thanks Lisha! I'm crying right now, cause I fell the same way. Thanks for saying it out loud.

Find More Free Custom Color Layouts at April Showers