I'm torn...

As you know, loyal reader, I have neglected the blog as of late in exchange for a job at the OG. I took the job as a way to 1) make some extra money this summer, 2) take the burden of a summer job off Ryan and 3) help pay for those "extra" things that come up that we never seem to have enough for. Here it is the middle of November, the holidays are around the corner and my summer job is still in full swing. It has served its purpose well. So well in fact that the "debt free" light is brighter than it has ever been.

PRO: It makes me excited about being able to finally buy a home of our own!
CON: I am missing out on being home with my kids at night.

PRO: I have co-workers that don't talk about kids, little pets, or what they are coloring in school.
CON: I have missed out on a few dance performances, ward parties, etc. that are normally "family outings."

I could go on and on about the things I have missed in exchange for having things we have missed out on. Mostly I am doing it to help pay bills. I keep telling myself that, but now we are used to the income so when the day comes that I really don't need the job, will I have the strength to quit? I think I feel bad because I don't feel like I am using the skills I have. I feel like I could be making a lot more money if I were to go after a job I trained for, but I don't want to work that much.

Here is the newest though... the kids and I now have health insurance through my job since Ryan's is super expensive and more than we can afford. So does that mean I just signed on for another full year? I am trying to process all of this without feeling bad about being away from home.

Why do we as mothers feel guilty for leaving our children with our husbands? He does a great job of raising our kids, probably better than me at times. It's not like I am paying a babysitter to raise my kids. I keep all the money I make without paying a daycare. The kids have quality time with just Dad, which is super important to their development and sence of self worth. I almost missed Clarks first steps though. He is talking so much lately that I am worried about missing important first words too. So should I feel worse than I do? Or is it ok for me to get rid of the guilty feelings I have?

Do you work outside the home? How does it work for you? How have your children adjusted to mom being gone? How do you make time to feel like a mom and not just someone who pops in and out of their life occasionally?